Aaaaand, we’re back! This month you’ve heard radio silence from me. I’ve been on a bit of a break* for a variety of reasons. Let’s pretend you were super curious about why. Here it is, in charming countdown format:
10. Babies. I know I don’t have to elaborate on that, or on the plurality of it. But have I mentioned that I have children? Like, two of them, both boys, who happen to be 18 months apart? And who are 3, and 1.5 years old, respectively? If you have kids, you know what I’m talking about (and you might have even caught your breath there for a second). If you don’t, just know that it’s a shitshow around here. I’m both totally okay with this fact, and horribly, irreparably altered by it. Depends on the time of day/weather/state of household food rations for the week.
9. Other (important) people’s careers. Have I mentioned that Mr. Dude is embarking on a career-exploding moonlighting gig? He is. He would probably prefer that I never so much as mention his existence and allow anyone reading this to assume that I live alone with my asshole dog and two babies. He’s shy. Thing is, he’s an exceptional father and human being. I’m a dissolved puddle of nothing without him around to help me with the babies and remind me that we did all of this on purpose. Anyway, this venture has him gone a whole damn bunch. Mama’s freakin’ beat.
8. Vasectomy. Yep, I said it (honestly, at his prompting [he might have been drunk at the time]). Exceptional father and human being was unable to participate in child-rearing for about 3 days. The earth crumbled in that time.
7. Laundry. I cloth diaper a 1.5-year-old child who triggers “are you sure that data is correct?” warnings in his doctor’s office record keeping software. Because he’s huge. Laundry at my house blows.
6. Cooking food. That’s edible. And “cleaning up” afterward.**
5. Facebook. I’m 35, people. Facebook targets my soul as its main logarithm. It understands weakness that I did not know existed inside me. I seriously hatelove Facebook.
4. Work that doesn’t show in an obvious way. I’ve actually been (sort of) working a lot (even though it doesn’t really feel like it, because it’s been enjoyable). I’ve been learning a ton about how to bring content to this website that is informative and accessible and interesting… and that stuff takes a bit of time.
3. Perfectionism. I would happily sit behind the scenes and research EVERYTHING there is to know about the subject matter I’m wanting to share on this site, and exactly how to do it. I would learn ALL THE THINGS, and feel completely satisfied knowing that I know all these things… and then never share them, except for when I have one too many beers at happy hour and everyone wants me to stfu about My Business. Here, I have a platform to share the things I know about with people who may have even come looking for these things, but I’m paralyzed and can’t settle on the perfect way to talk about it. Really, this point should just read: 3. I’m a pain in the ass.
2. Forest for the Trees Syndrome. Except in my case, it’s really seeing the glorious, mist-draped, fairy-filled forest, in lieu of the moldy, craggy tree right in front of my face- syndrome. I’m an idea guy, man. I like to think in really grand dreams and visions. And then just keep thinking about them. A lot. Problem is, when you fail to see the tree in front of your face, you walk into it repeatedly. It helps to size up that tree in front of you and make a plan for walking around it, so you can get to other parts of that rad forest you were busy dreaming about. You know, to see whether or not it’s actually as rad as you envisioned. In your inflated unicorn rainbow party of a brain.
1. A mean case of the WHAT IFS. What if the forest is NOT as amazing as I thought it would be? What if I screw up my kids by being on the computer too much? What if I screw up my kids by, like, engaging with them too much? What if I don’t have time to cook dinner on the reg? Or my house actually, for real, gets swallowed up inside a massive dust bunny? What if I write too much about Home Ec, and not enough about Auto or Metal Shop (because, let’s be real here, Home Ec is sort of my jam – ask anyone). What if this ends up being ANOTHER MOMMY BLOG?? Like, what if all my motherhood just regurges out, and I can’t stop hitting “publish”? What if someone’s all, “Cool it with the ellipses, Christ.”? What if someone’s all, “Cool it with taking the Lord’s name in vain. Jeez.”?
Or… what if I just decide, fuck it, and put pen to paper and see what happens? I promised there would be overthinking here, and when I say I’m going to do something I mean it, dagnabbit. Anyway, I’m going to write a bunch of stuff and see what sticks and you can thank me later. I’ll continue this eternally raging self-deprecation/pep talk in private somewhere not here. How’s about dropping me a comment below about what your forest looks like? Or what’s threatening to swallow your household because you’re too busy to clean? Any meal planning faves? Whatever you got – just comment already! I am seriously jazzed to hear about your domestic wins and woes. Lay ’em on me.
*This post was inspired by the prompt, “Write a blog post inspired by the word: break,” from Kat Bouska over at Mama Kat’s Losin’ It. Check out her stuff, especially her Friday Pinterest Drink Reviews if you’d like to see an example of things that turn my crank.
**Trust me on the use of quotes here.